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Post by
364824
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Post by
313143
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Post by
Aldun
This topic already excists.
.
That's it in Wow general doesn't mean you also have to have one here ;)
Post by
170325
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Post by
Ghoso
Where does Hitler keep his armies?
In his sleevies.
Post by
ShellyBelly
This one is from comedian Zach Galifiankis
"Three years ago, my sister was diagnosed with multiple personalities, and there's nothing funny about that. But she phoned me the other day, and my caller ID exploded."
I saw that on Comedy Central. I didn't think the guy was funny at all.
Post by
113979
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Post by
364824
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Post by
170325
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Post by
157599
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Post by
thedot
your mom's easier to get into than community college
she is also in fact like geico, so easy a caveman can do it
what's the one difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler? one can finish a race
Guess wat. chicken butt
First and third are good.
Post by
Malgayne
Okay so it's Notre Dame cathedral, right after the Hunchback of Notre Dame takes place (spoiler for those who only ever saw the Disney version: Quasimodo dies at the end). They have a new cardinal, and one of the cardinal's first responsibilities is to hire a new bell-ringer. So he puts an ad in the paper, and a bunch of people respond. He's sitting in the bell tower, listening to them all audition for the role, and they're all perfectly good bell-ringers, but none of them have that...
spark
, you know?
So just as the Cardinal is about to pack it in for the night, the last guy on the audition list comes in and he's got no arms. And the Cardinal WAS just going to send him home, but...I mean, the guy's got
no arms
. The Cardinal is thinking "...okay, I have to see this." So he lets the guy audition, and it turns out the bell-ringer is ringing the bells with his
face
.
The guy is just beating the crap out of himself, taking a big long running start and
smashing
his face into the bells at full speed. But despite the kind of horrifying nature of it, the Cardinal is listening...and it's actually sounding really good. The guy is a great bell-ringer!
So the Cardinal is trying to get the guy to stop, so that he can offer him the job, and to make sure the guy doesn't kill himself by smashing his face. So the Cardinal yells, and the bell-ringer turns to look but he misses a step, catches his foot on a loose cobblestone, and
pitches headlong out the window
.
The guy falls the hundreds of feet to the street below, and the Cardinal runs in a panic all the way down the hundreds of flights of stairs. He finally gets to the street where the guy is clearly dead from the fall, and there's a crowd of people gathering around gawking. The people are trying to figure out what's going on, and one of the guys standing around in the street says to the Cardinal, "Cardinal, what happened? Who is this man?"
The Cardinal solemnly makes the sign of the cross and says "I never knew his name...but his face rings a bell."
Post by
Ghoso
Two fish are in a tank, and one says to the other, "how do you drive this thing?"
Post by
Queggy
Okay so it's Notre Dame cathedral, right after the Hunchback of Notre Dame takes place (spoiler for those who only ever saw the Disney version: Quasimodo dies at the end). They have a new cardinal, and one of the cardinal's first responsibilities is to hire a new bell-ringer. So he puts an ad in the paper, and a bunch of people respond. He's sitting in the bell tower, listening to them all audition for the role, and they're all perfectly good bell-ringers, but none of them have that...
spark
, you know?
So just as the Cardinal is about to pack it in for the night, the last guy on the audition list comes in and he's got no arms. And the Cardinal WAS just going to send him home, but...I mean, the guy's got
no arms
. The Cardinal is thinking "...okay, I have to see this." So he lets the guy audition, and it turns out the bell-ringer is ringing the bells with his
face
.
The guy is just beating the crap out of himself, taking a big long running start and
smashing
his face into the bells at full speed. But despite the kind of horrifying nature of it, the Cardinal is listening...and it's actually sounding really good. The guy is a great bell-ringer!
So the Cardinal is trying to get the guy to stop, so that he can offer him the job, and to make sure the guy doesn't kill himself by smashing his face. So the Cardinal yells, and the bell-ringer turns to look but he misses a step, catches his foot on a loose cobblestone, and
pitches headlong out the window
.
The guy falls the hundreds of feet to the street below, and the Cardinal runs in a panic all the way down the hundreds of flights of stairs. He finally gets to the street where the guy is clearly dead from the fall, and there's a crowd of people gathering around gawking. The people are trying to figure out what's going on, and one of the guys standing around in the street says to the Cardinal, "Cardinal, what happened? Who is this man?"
The Cardinal solemnly makes the sign of the cross and says "I never knew his name...but his face rings a bell."
/facepalm
Post by
360419
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Post by
Random0214
What do vegetarian ogres eat?
Cabbage patch kids.
Post by
119112
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Post by
266586
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Malgayne
But that's not all.
Either way the Cardinal is still out a bell-ringer, right? So he's still got to find someone, and he puts another ad on the paper. He's frustrated, but he still needs a bell-ringer, so what are you gonna do?
So the next day, all the same bell-ringers show up. No one new. Just as before, nobody has that special magic touch that Quasimodo had. So at the end of the day, just as the Cardinal is throwing up his hands in frustration,
in walks another guy with no arms
.
Turns out, the previous bell-ringer has a
twin brother
. Apparently it was a genetic defect, or something—anyway, turns out the guy is
even better
at being a bell-ringer than the first guy. He's
amazing
. A virtual bell-ringing prodigy. The Cardinal, overjoyed that he won't have to go another day without a bell-ringer, jumps to his feet in joy.
Well this scares the bell-ringer, and he trips—over the same loose cobblestone the first guy tripped over, no less. Careening out of control, he pitches headlong out the window and falls the hundreds of feet to the street.
So the Cardinal is freaking out at this point, and he sprints all the way down the stairs. He's lost TWO bell-ringers now, so he's gonna be in some SERIOUS trouble. So he finally reaches the street, where the crowd is already gathering. And just like yesterday, the people are confused. "Cardinal," says the same guy, "what happened
now
? And who is
this
man?"
The Cardinal shakes his head sadly and says "I don't know...but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
Post by
ShadowM
But that's not all.
Either way the Cardinal is still out a bell-ringer, right? So he's still got to find someone, and he puts another ad on the paper. He's frustrated, but he still needs a bell-ringer, so what are you gonna do?
So the next day, all the same bell-ringers show up. No one new. Just as before, nobody has that special magic touch that Quasimodo had. So at the end of the day, just as the Cardinal is throwing up his hands in frustration,
in walks another guy with no arms
.
Turns out, the previous bell-ringer has a
twin brother
. Apparently it was a genetic defect, or something—anyway, turns out the guy is
even better
at being a bell-ringer than the first guy. He's
amazing
. A virtual bell-ringing prodigy. The Cardinal, overjoyed that he won't have to go another day without a bell-ringer, jumps to his feet in joy.
Well this scares the bell-ringer, and he trips—over the same loose cobblestone the first guy tripped over, no less. Careening out of control, he pitches headlong out the window and falls the hundreds of feet to the street.
So the Cardinal is freaking out at this point, and he sprints all the way down the stairs. He's lost TWO bell-ringers now, so he's gonna be in some SERIOUS trouble. So he finally reaches the street, where the crowd is already gathering. And just like yesterday, the people are confused. "Cardinal," says the same guy, "what happened
now
? And who is
this
man?"
The Cardinal shakes his head sadly and says "I don't know...but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
Malgayne....You're amazing....lol
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