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DOTD - Debate of The Day #52
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Post by
Squishalot
As it happens, I'd have hated to feel like I was constantly under surveillance: especially with the key logger thing, even though I don't really do anything against my parents wishes. Would you want the authorities listening to your every phone call just to make sure you weren't doing anything illegal?
Just wanted to bring a point back to light. 'Being allowed to' read messages / keylog, and 'always listening/constant surveilance' are two different things. I don't think anyone actually advocates ongoing screening and nightly browsing histories in an Orwellian-style of environment. What I thought this is more about is the concerned check to make sure that said teen isn't going off the rails.
Post by
gamerunknown
Yeah, but that includes listening to conversations they're having with their romantic partners. I'm currently at home at the age of 21 because it's a lot cheaper than staying out at uni all summer. If my parents insisted on listening to every phone conversation I have (which are infrequent and incredibly mundane, the last time I said something on the phone I think would offend them was probably around age 12), I'd have stayed on at my accommodation.
I remember in a Dan Savage video, he regales being sent an email from a 15 year old lesbian whose parents are fundamentalist Christians and already expressed their support for gay correction therapies. Would it be appropriate for such a person to completely suppress their sexuality in everything except thought (because any other venue would be under surveillance) in order to appease their parents until they can move out?
Post by
Squishalot
Yeah, but you're 21. I think a parent would be neglectful in their responsibilities if they're letting 13 yr olds get up to whatever they wanted completely unsupervised.
Post by
134377
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
I think it's more about what is healthiest for the child, than what the kids or parents have a "right" to do. Yes, I think that of they deem it necessary, a parent has the right to monitor a teenagers online activities, phone, teext, etc. However, I don't think that they should unless they have specific reason to worry about drugs, crime, sex, dangerous activities, cutting school, etc. It is important for a child to be kept physically safe, and if you need to invade their privacy to do it, then you do it.
It's important for a child to feel that they're given a measure of trust, too, because it teaches them how to trust back. If you never trust them to begin with, then there is no trust to break or lose, and they never learn the value of it. Often if you treat a child like they're going to do something wrong all the time, they lose incentive not to do anything wrong because your opinion of them will be the same either way. It's damaging to the self-esteem, and their expectations of themselves will mirror your expectations of them.
If you don't make them regain trust when they do break it, however, then they don't learn the value of trust either. If a child is found sexting, then they need their cell phones taken away and they need to earn back the right to use them. If they are found doing drugs, they need their privileges to go out unsupervised and to not have their room searched taken away, and they can eventually earn them back. If they never lose freedoms they abuse, they'll keep abusing them. If they can never earn back freedom after it's lost, they have no incentive to not repeat the offending behavior.
Post by
FatalHeaven
Kynn stated that things may change. Did you miss that gamer?
Post by
MyTie
Yes. Kids shouldnt have anything to hide anyway.
Post by
134377
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
MyTie
Then they shouldnt text personal information. And what does me hiding stuff have to do with kids? They are not raising me.
Post by
Rystrave
If the parents are paying for the cellphone bill, I'd say they should be able to look at the texts. Once the teens start buying their own cellphone and paying their own bills, the parents should be able to see what they're spending their money on.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
@MyTie- I think what they're asking is aren't there things that are embarrassing to a kid, that they wouldn't want to discuss with their parents, but might with a peer? Things that aren't really "wrong?" For example if your kid has a crush and there's some kind of heartbreak when the crush is mean, or likes someone else, or something, then the last thing you want is to discuss it with your parents. Or if you tripped and fell in the cafeteria, and were embarrassed about it, and a friend who was there is trying to make you feel better- you don't necessarily want to have the same conversation with your parents.
I don't think they have the "right" to keep secrets, but I think that a parent understanding that there is a value in allowing their teenager some privacy to figure out social interactions naturally, and not monitor ever minute of it helps a child develop into a more well-rounded human being. Just because a parent has the right to do something, doesn't mean it wouldn't be better for the child if they didn't.
Again- if there's some suspicion about drugs, ditching school, dangerous or illegal activities, drinking, sex, etc. then of course you should check up on your kids. But to make a blanket statement that they should have no personal interactions over text, and you should read everything they write because they shouldn't have any secrets from you seems slightly unhealthy in terms of allowing them to develop socially.
Post by
Monday
I agree with Elhonna exactly. If someone has given the parents reason to think that they might be up to something, then the parents have every right, to keep people safe.
Otherwise, they should stay out, imo.
Post by
MyTie
I get what they are saying. I disagree. The potential for abuse, and amount of kids who DO abuse thier personal devices is staggering. I monitor my daughters use of technology closely, and good thing, too. She has abused it. That gave me opportunity to teach her about appropriatness. Kids dont raise themselves. If kids are like, totally blushing because Bobby McDillamawop is like totally hot zomg, then they can say that in person. That is not a blanket of privacy that can be draped over thier social interactions, which good parenting dictates i must be aware of.
Post by
Rystrave
If kids are like, totally blushing because Bobby McDillamawop is like totally hot zomg ...
This made me LOL all over everywhere. I got a couple looks from my coworkers :3
Post by
MyTie
Glad i made ya laugh.
But seriously, kids will abuse what they think they can. They need consistent and enforced boundaries. It isnt comfortable to be in my kids business, but it is my responsibility. This fairy tale of privacy for children sounds great, until you try it out. It doesnt work.
Post by
Lombax
Glad i made ya laugh.
But seriously, kids will abuse what they think they can. They need consistent and enforced boundaries. It isnt comfortable to be in my kids business, but it is my responsibility. This fairy tale of privacy for children sounds great, until you try it out. It doesnt work.
Well if kids are above 50 IQ they can easily learn how to &*!@ the boundaries, unless you have them in sight 100% off the time.
Post by
MyTie
So what are you suggesting? Since kids get around boundaries, boundaries should just be forgotten? Besides, if a parent has an iq over 50 they will know when their kid is up to something, and how to find out.
Lombax, why do all your posts have to be SO hostile?
Post by
Rystrave
I was one of those kids that defied my parents, was sneaky on the phone and on the computer, even though I wasn't doing anything outright bad. Looking back at all the precautions and rules my folks had for me, I'm thankful. Although, back then the internet was a lot slower and cell phones weren't that common place... At the time I was annoyed, even hated my parents for butting into my privacy. But looking back it I know it was for my well being.
For some reason, I have a feeling that kids nowadays will be a lot less grateful about how protective their parents are/will be, especially when they already take the little things for granted.
Post by
Adamsm
For some reason, I have a feeling that kids nowadays will be a lot less grateful about how protective their parents are/will be, especially when they already take the little things for granted.
Of course; they watch their favorite teen celebs go out and get trashed/pregnant/whatever and nothing 'bad' ever happens to them, why shouldn't they get to do the same?
Post by
MyTie
Self respect. Teach it to kids.
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