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I like a girl...but......(Warning: Long Read)
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Post by
588688
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
ElhonnaDS
Ok...
1) It does sound like you spent all of the time you guys knew each other doing everything you could to show her you were not interested, and that's going to be hard to combat. Generally if you like someone, then have come to terms with the idea that it isn't reciprocated, you let it go and move on. It might be the fact that she liked you, and you ignored it will make it harder to get with her than if she had never shown an interest at all. The best bet would be to try and rekindle the friendship first, and then be 100% honest about what you just said- that you had a crush but you were too shy to say anything.
2) Keep in mind that you don't actually know her anymore. You know what she looks like, and have probably got a basic idea that she's a nice person, but what someone is interested in, their maturity level, the kinds of goals they have, etc. change by leaps and bounds from 15 to 20. If you come on too strong, in light of that, it could seem weird.
Based on both of these things, don't go into it with the intention of immediately asking her out. Try and get back to actually associating with each other, then worry about asking her out. I think that's your best shot.
This is of course, my opinion, but it's the best advice I can give.
Post by
HiVolt
Just send her a friend request. If she doesn't accept, that's the end of it and you can move on(albeit after a period of hurt, trust me, I've been exactly where you are; it will suck, bad, but it will pass). If she does, then you'll have ample opportunity to talk to her. You'll also be able to find out if you have any mutual friends and with some luck, be able to hang out with her because of that.
What you should not do is ask her out right off the bat. That probably would weird her out. But, if you've developed your friendship a little bit outside of facebook, I don't see the harm in asking her to do something with you or you and some of your mutual friends via a message. I did that earlier this year and ended up going on a few dates with the girl. Nothing came out of it, but I'm proud of the fact that I at least tried.
Fortune favors the bold, my friend. I'm extremely introverted as well, but until I took a leap, I didn't see any results.
Post by
588688
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
HiVolt
How did you get the courage to ask the girl you liked out? I know I have to try at some point, because the longer I wait, the more likely she'll find someone else (if she hasn't already), but it's so damn difficult.
I didn't, really. I was scared to death when I did it. But, that's what courage is: doing something even though you're scared to do it.
I just realized that I couldn't let my fear ruin my life. Trust me man, after you send her a friend request, things will get much easier. It's always that initial step that's the hardest. Don't let it hold you back.
Don't worry about not having mutual friends, either. If you two have similar interests, you're bound to run into one another at some point if you live in the same city. From then on, it's just a matter of keeping in touch.
I would also caution you. Unrequited love is something that's terrible to deal with. I've done it. Don't let yourself get caught up too much over this person, because things may not pan out the way you want them to. I know it can be hard, as it seems like you have the same sort of problem as I did. This one girl was the only one who ever really showed interest in you, so you're attaching yourself to the idea that she's the only one who ever would be interested in you. It's not the case. I learned that from experience. Until I asked that girl out, I thought that I'd lost all my chances at ever finding someone who liked me. Then, I found someone who did. Again, it didn't pan out, but what will be, will be. It let me realize that I am attractive enough to have someone like me as more than a friend.
Also, don't worry about being fat. That was another of my problems. Personality is loads more effective than looks when it comes to getting women to like you. Sure, looks help, but they're not everything.
Post by
b4xx
Ok...
1) It does sound like you spent all of the time you guys knew each other doing everything you could to show her you were not interested, and that's going to be hard to combat. Generally if you like someone, then have come to terms with the idea that it isn't reciprocated, you let it go and move on. It might be the fact that she liked you, and you ignored it will make it harder to get with her than if she had never shown an interest at all. The best bet would be to try and rekindle the friendship first, and then be 100% honest about what you just said- that you had a crush but you were too shy to say anything.
Well I have thought that, if she did like me and that's why she asked me to dance with her, me turning her down was basically me saying "I don't like you this way" which would have upset her quite a bit, and judging by the fact that she may or may not have looked upset, based on my memory of that night, that easily could've been the reality, and if she did like me again in grade 10, me not responding to what may have been signals based on her body language, then I goofed a second time. I'm really not certain how she'll react if I tell her the whole story here.
2) Keep in mind that you don't actually know her anymore. You know what she looks like, and have probably got a basic idea that she's a nice person, but what someone is interested in, their maturity level, the kinds of goals they have, etc. change by leaps and bounds from 15 to 20. If you come on too strong, in light of that, it could seem weird.
Judging by the last time we spoke, which was a year ago, she was the exact same girl I've always known, I don't she's changed much at all. She hadn't even changed her hairstyle. Her facebook page posts as of late don't indicate any change in personality either.
Based on both of these things, don't go into it with the intention of immediately asking her out. Try and get back to actually associating with each other, then worry about asking her out. I think that's your best shot.
This is of course, my opinion, but it's the best advice I can give.
That's what I've planned, I don't intend on asking her out immediately, tho that is my ultimate goal. I'm not certain how long it'd take, but it definately wouldn't be after one conversation. My big problem right now is working up the courage to start a friendship with her again, it shouldn't be as difficult as asking her out, but it's still terrifying. I was planning on doing it tonight, but I'm having second thoughts I think.........
Just send her a friend request. If she doesn't accept, that's the end of it and you can move on(albeit after a period of hurt, trust me, I've been exactly where you are; it will suck, bad, but it will pass). If she does, then you'll have ample opportunity to talk to her. You'll also be able to find out if you have any mutual friends and with some luck, be able to hang out with her because of that.
What you should not do is ask her out right off the bat. That probably would weird her out. But, if you've developed your friendship a little bit outside of facebook, I don't see the harm in asking her to do something with you or you and some of your mutual friends via a message. I did that earlier this year and ended up going on a few dates with the girl. Nothing came out of it, but I'm proud of the fact that I at least tried.
Fortune favors the bold, my friend. I'm extremely introverted as well, but until I took a leap, I didn't see any results.
Well I certainly feel more encouraged hearing this from a fellow introvert. Unfortunately tho, I don't have any friends at the moment (the only friend I hung out with after high school recently moved), so if we starting hanging out (as friends) it would just be the two of us, unless she has any friends who'd want to hang out with me, she has some of our old grade 8 friends on her facebook friendlist so maybe, (I only stopped hanging with them because we never actually did anything with eachother outside of school, so once school ended so did those friendships.)
How did you get the courage to ask the girl you liked out? I know I have to try at some point, because the longer I wait, the more likely she'll find someone else (if she hasn't already), but it's so damn difficult.
I think that your big chance is to tell that you liked her throughout the school years, but just weren't ready to make the move or whatever the reason is. Not in a creepy way, rather like after a few times after seeing each other.
This might sound really dumb, but this is a some kind of "guide" for you.
1) Start talking to her on facebook. Saying hi, and asking how she's doing nowadays is a perfectly normal start. If she seems just okay with you talking to her after a few times, you might ask her to see you, if you're unable to see her without an ordered meeting. Nothing like a date yet, maybe a cup of coffee after school, just chatting for the sake of old times. You should show some healthy interest in her during the conversation, but nothing too pushy yet. Just getting to know each other again, maybe starting to talk about your old friends, stuff you can normally talk about.
2) If it goes well, and she seems open to you, you definitely should continue talking to her online. Try seeing her casually without any particular purpose, and just talk to her and get to know her. If it still feels right, you could ask her to grab another cup of coffee, or even to have dinner with you. If she accepts, then you should proceed to number three. (Oh dear, I sound so silly >.<)
3) Throw your wild card. During the meal or whatever, tell her CASUALLY that you always liked her, but for whatever reason didn't just react to it back then. Tell her, that you still have some feelings towards her, and that she still seems a really nice person. This is the key moment, which either leads to success or failure. You don't have to ask if she wants to date you just yet. See her reaction, if it's good, you can ask her to see you again. If it's not, well, at least you tried.
4) Here on, you should go with you feelings. When it feels right, you could ask her if she wanted to start dating you.
Best of luck mate! Don't take it too literally, wrote it to just guide the way.
Post by
588688
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Rankkor
Dang, =S
I'M ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED! I'm introvert as I've said. I'm scared crapless!
Its a little scary how similar we are bro'. I really wish I could give you some advice, but seeing as I'm equally hopelessly introvert and shy around women, I'm not really qualified to do so.
I do wish you luck on this bro'.
Post by
588688
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Rankkor
Dang, =S
I'M ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED! I'm introvert as I've said. I'm scared crapless!
Its a little scary how similar we are bro'.
we're not so different, you and I.....
I really wish I could give you some advice, but seeing as I'm equally hopelessly introvert and shy around women, I'm not really qualified to do so.
I do wish you luck on this bro'.
Thanks :) but I thought you were married? You must've gotten over your fear somehow.
Nope, I did not, but that's the thing, being brave isn't not being afraid. Being brave is not letting fear stop you. :P
After leaving sabaneta, I sought my beloved out, initially as a friend, and as someone who needed counseling, and started attending to church (Even people under house arrest can get a special permission to go to church as long as you get a vouch by the local pastor)
once my house arrest was over, I decided to take the next step and invited her out, scared sh*tless, and somehow worked up the courage to ask her to be my girlfriend. In reality, I had my work cut out for me, Reina also loved me back, but she didn't wanted to risk getting into a relationship because she didn't knew if I was like all the other brutes inside that prison (she is a very strict pacifist). Once I proved her that I was just a geeky, socially awkward, shy guy who was forced into that hellhole for a completely unfair reason, she dived in :P so to speak.
Plus, courage was a lot easier to come by once I knew she liked me back, but before I knew that? Scared, petrified, you should had seen me on our first date, sweating, trembling, stuttering, stammering, and thinknig I was doing everything wrong.
As Hivolt said though, Fortune Favors the Bold. You have to take that leap of blind dumb faith despite the fear, or you'll never see any results.
Post by
588688
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Magician22773
Just my $0.02 worth of love advice.
1. As everyone has mentioned, starting out with Friend request on Facebook is a no-brainer. Social media has opened up a whole new way of finding old friends, and starting new relationships. It is 10000 times less creepy than if you showed up at her school "just to say hi".
2. Don't be surprised, in fact, be prepared, for her to be a much different person than the one you have such fond memories of from early in life. At 20 years old, she is going to be a much, much different person than she was at 13.
3. Understand that rejection is a part of finding that "special someone". It is very uncommon to hit a home run on the first pitch.
4. BREAK OUT OF YOUR SHELL. I have no idea at all what you look like, what your social skills are, or what you are like in real life. But there is a place, and a partner, for everyone out there. Its up to YOU to find them.
5. Make the best out of yourself. This can be a simple as having a clean haircut, or wearing the nicest outfit you can, or as hard as starting a workout to improve your physical appearance. Just don't try to be someone or something you are not. Don't run out and get the trendiest clothes if you are really more conservative. Don't start listening to Hip-Hop if you actually enjoy Classical music. Discover who you are, and make the best of who that person is.
Post by
Gone
First off, coming to a World or Warcraft site for advice on dating is a little like asking the blind for advice on photography isnt it?
Haha just kidding.
Seriously though my advice would be to friend her, maybe ask if she wants to get a coffee or something and be honest with her. The good thing about Facebook is that you will know if shes single or not. Or if thats weird maybe set yourself up to "accidentally" run into her again (but dont tell her or it will sound creepy) Try being friends with her first and seeing how that goes.
This is kind of risky so use your own judgement here on how she will react, but after a while maybe edit this post a bit and show her. Take out the parts where you think she was giving you signals and the stuff about how awkward you were and such, but keep in the stuff about how you remember thinking she was the prettiest girl you had ever seen back in the 8th grade. Just make sure you do it in a way that its not weird, dont just walk up to her and put it in her hands, just try being friends with her for a bit and see how that goes.
Post by
588688
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Gone
@Ryja, huh, well according to her facebook she's single. I'm amazed that a girl that gorgeous could be single. Maybe she's waiting for the right guy? And I'd rather not let her see this because I'm not certain I want her to know I like WoW still.
hahaha I just mean copy and paste it if you want. Mostly just the part in the beginning where you said she was the prettiest girl you remember seeing even back then, and maybe the part at the end where all your old feelings came rushing back. Not till after your comfortable with her though. For now I would either try accidentally running into her, or sending her a FB message and ask if she wants to grab a coffee or something.
I felt like you were very honest here, which girls like, and your feelings about hr seem very genuine. It would be a shame if she never knew that.
Post by
588688
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
Post by
Gone
You sure she won't find it wierd that I suddenly want to grab coffee with her after a year of not talking to her? And should I friend request or message her first?
Its tough to say man, you kind of have to use your own judgement at a certain point because you probably know her better than we do.
I mean even with the friend request thing, some people have thousands of FB friends that consist of everybody they've ever met. Other people only friend those that they're very close with, idk which category she would fall in to.
If you dont want it to seem like you sought her out try and set things up so you accidentally run in to her. I know it sounds a bit stalker-ish but a friend of mine did something like that once. he waited outside a girls school for like two days until he saw her, then pretended he just ran into her while waiting for a friend. You could do something like that and maybe have a quick conversation like at the bus stop, and then add her on FB after so it doesnt seem like out of the blue.
Of course once you send her the FB request you cant do that option cause then it would be weird. Do whatever your most comfortable with, but also act fast before somebody else does!
Most of all if things dont work out, dont get too down on yourself about it, it is all part of life after all. You will find somebody eventually, sometimes it just takes time.
Post by
b4xx
Just friend request her already, gogogogogo! Waiting isn't going to make it the least bit easier. It doesn't make you commit into anything yet, but it gives you the chance to talk to her whenever.
Post by
Gone
Oh $%^& I just thought of something else. You said she was friends with your group of friends back in high school. Any chance your still in touch with any of them or can get in touch? They might still be in touch with her and can tell you more. Its certainly less awkward getting in touch with an old mutual friend than the girl herself.
Post by
588688
This post was from a user who has deleted their account.
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